At Dairy Queen

(to the tune of “At Seventeen”)

Copyright © 2013 Kevin Ahern

Recording by Maddie and the Tim Karplus band HERE


"At Dairy Queen" had a relatively long gestation. The original idea came from the match of the cadence of the phrase "At Dairy Queen"

to the title of Janis Ian's famous song, "At Seventeen." I got the first stanza quickly, but that was about it.

The song sat around for a year or so, though as I hit a few dead ends that didn't tell a good story.

One night after getting nowhere with another song, I came back to this one and the ideas flowed

very easily. Sometimes it happens like that. I'm very pleased with its commentary on modern food offerings.


I saw the light at Dairy Queen

While eating cho-co-late ice cream

That those who crave their sweeties, lad

Develop diabetes bad


The sugared things they sell to you

Seem innocent but it’s not true

They’ll raise your insulin and thus

Cause problems for your pancreas



We buy the stuff and never think of

How we’re almost on the brink of

Getting some publicity

For sugar-based toxicity

That’s all because the fast food scene

Is mostly sugar/salt cuisine

We’re bursting at the seams

At Dairy Queen


At Mickey Dees, I order fries

That come to me all super-sized

I eat them up until I’m full

Since ketchup is a vegetable


At Taco Bell I must disclose

Tortilla shells have GMOs

And cooking oil unnaturally

Is poisoned so trans-fat-ally



Remember this when picking food

Processing can leave you screwed

In colas you will get a dose

Of syrups laced with high fructose

And diet ones are all replete

With chemicals like Nutrasweet

I wonder what it means

At Dairy Queen


It’s no surprise to folks like me

That problems with obesity

Are rooted in the food supplies

Combined with lack of exercise


Of course it makes a lot of sense

To read each package’s contents

Then use the info that it gives

For cutting out preservatives



If we kid ourselves, we’ll pay the price

With poor nutritional advice

Imagining ourselves okay

Forgetting how much that we weigh

There’s no ignoring nature’s call

When it comes to cholesterol

No ice cream cone is free

At Dairy Queen



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