Fairway Eleven

(to the tune of Stairway to Heaven)

Copyright 2014 © Kevin Ahern


There’s a hole on the course.  It is one of the worst

You’ll encounter at fairway eleven

If you play there you’ll see, you can take it from me

In a word you will see it’s a nightmare

Nooo, noo do not go around the fairway eleven


There’s a flag in its hole.  It will shatter your soul

When you line up your ball on the golf tee

Down the fairway you’ll see, there’s a sand trap or three

Don’t assume you’ll avoid those frustrations


Ooh, I have to ponder

Ooh, I have to ponder


Now my worry’s increased.  There’s a wind from the east

And my caddy is shivering beside me

If this drive I can hit, I will not score like shit

And my buddies all then will admire me


Ooh, I need to focus

Ooh, I need to focus


May this drive go I pray, right straight down that fairway

Let the dogleg help me if I shank it

Then I’ll chip to the hole.  The green is my goal.

If the wind helps me I’ll surely thank it




The caddy sneezed when I was swinging, I got distracted

My concentration was affected

I hit my tee shot in the rough and then sure enough I

Fell flat on my face getting to it


It was such a blunder




My head is spinning and I’m dizzy, so in a tizzy

The ball is buried in some deep sand

Oh caddy go and get a shovel for this trouble

Let’s just pretend this is just what I’d planned


So then I’m finally on the green

The sweetest place that I have seen

My shots on this hole are obscene

If I sink this shot I score thirteen

(But) I ring the cup and miss it clean

I try again and miss it worse

My putting game I should rehearse

This goddamned hole has got a curse

So I’ll just finish on this verse


And the score I got was fitting - an eleven



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