The Ointment Song
(to the tune of “My Valentine”)
Copyright © 2012 Kevin Ahern

David Simmons' recording


I went outside

To have a smoke

Out by the fence I brushed against some poison oak

On my behind

(So) I took a shine

To Calamine


It didn’t work

That was a bitch

Things got so bad I didn’t think I’d stop the itch

To ease the pain

I tried again

With lanacaine


And I discovered


But the effect was only

Ver-y brief

So then I thought I’d

Try something new

Remove the toxin

With some TecNu


It really worked

No scratching fits

I cannot tell you how much rashes are the pits

I’m feeling strong

Let’s sing along

This ointment song




Now if I itch

I worry not

I go and grab the magic ointment that I’ve got

A big thank you

For magic goo

They call TecNu



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