The Sad Story of Thad
(to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies Theme Song”)
Copyright © 2013 Kevin Ahern

This Metabolic Melody was inspired by a newspaper article I read about a North Dakota farmer who discovered oil

in his fields as a result of a leaking oil pipeline. It immediately occurred to me that this was a modern day Jed Clampett story.

I sat down and the ideas here flowed very easily. The farmer became an Alaskan Inuit and the story gained a message.

I hope it's not too heavy - I tried to keep it light.



You've gotta hear the story of the Inuit named Thad

A boat and a gun were the only things he had

One afternoon, while shootin’ at some food

His shot hit a pipe and began to spill crude


Oil spill, black mold, Prudhoe tea


Ole Thad realized that he didn’t have a prayer

Exxon told him “move away from there!”

Said “keep it secret if you know what’s good for you”

So he packed up his stuff and escaped by canoe


Far away.  No swimmin’ pools. No movie stars


Paddling up the coast, Thad had a major scare

Came face to face with a scruffy polar bear

Swimming desperately, it was like a drowning rat

The ice floes a-melting destroyed its habitat


Warming. Globally.  Northwest passage


Yes, the two of them - were a very homeless pair

Moving to the north they skedaddled out of there

A hundred miles further was a sight that gave them pause

Unemployed elves who had worked for Santa Claus


Little guys.  Real sad.  Little guys


The elves said the problem just was out of their control

Because Santa Claus was no longer at the pole
The weather getting warmer turned November into May
So they couldn’t make toys for the next Christmas day


Bad news.  Real bad news.


Now the moral of this story should be obvious to you

It’s time for the taking of a grander world view

The energy we’re using has a very hefty price

Ask Thad and the elves and the bear without ice.


Y’all get that now, ya hear?


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