There is a Virus on the Loose

(to the tune of Neal Gladstone’s “When There’s Grapefruit in Your Life”)

Copyright © 2020 Kevin Ahern 


There is a virus on the loose

That has sucked out all the pleasure

It’s the worst thing we have seen

Making for a quarantine

And the Charmin’s running low


Off you go into a store

On a quest for toilet paper

But there’s none upon its shelves

From restocking elves

Oh so now what will you use?

There’s a virus on the loose


When there’s a virus right nearby

You must avoid a bad infection

So a mask is put in place

A bra for your face

And your breath stinks up your nose


Here’s the new reality

If you are a non-essential

Working from your living room

In pajamas using Zoom

Making sure to close your fly

There’s a virus right nearby



I can’t wait til it is over

I’ll need a vacation

Subsidize the Nobel prize

For an inoculation


When there’s a virus near your mouth

You will not know of its presence

That is why it is the case

You should never touch your face

Not a finger not a thumb


And you’ll be much better for it

You’ll survive, congratulations

Just be careful where you eat

Stay apart at least six feet

And, dear God, avoid the south

There’s a virus near your mouth




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